Getting Busy

In “the library” (aka bathroom) I was glancing through an old ladies magazine and thought it would be interesting to read the ubiquitous article about sex.

Every woman’s magazine has at least one of these along with several articles about getting a flat belly, recipes and pictures of healthy vegetables, and many tips about applying lipstick and picking out a skirt that hides the fact that you have ugly legs.

This piece had lots of interesting euphemisms for sex. They called it “getting busy,” “going horizontal,” “knocking boots,” and “slipping between the sheets.” In all my years, I’ve never used these terms, but find that I am now thinking about pepping up my vocabulary. In fact, I may invent a few new phrases.

Did you know that 16 percent of married couples have not “hit the sheets” in the past six months? This is almost an endorsement for not getting married, don’t you think? Of course, this means that the remaining 84% of you don’t need to read further. But you know you will.

Anyway, the article makes a compelling argument that you will feel disconnected, frustrated, and even angry if you don’t “just do it.” If this situation is not corrected, you won’t even laugh at your partner’s jokes!

So here is the big suggestion for improvement: “get busy” every day for a month.

Now I don’t know about you, but even when I was 30, I never had sex every day for a month. This would seem more like a chore than pleasure to me. Although, when I talked about this idea with Dave, he said “Just once a day?”

There is nothing I do every day except eat, sleep and pee. Some days I don’t even have thoughts. Some days I don’t want to burn the average 100-200 calories consumed during sex.  I think there are calories burned just thinking about sex.

The wisdom passed on was that you do not need passion to be aroused. I agree with this. I think there are some partners out there that could be the “dead fish” and the other partner would still be interested. Of course, the one who is alive would have to work harder. This has the benefit of burning more calories for the person doing all the moving.  The argument goes that this type of “knocking boots” may not begin with fireworks, but often will end that way.

This “sexperiment” will, of course, break the ice and remove the pressure of ” Is tonight the night?” You’ll become more inventive and try new places like the ironing board or on the pool table.  Notice I said YOU not ME.

Anyway, I want to hear from you about this. Beware, however, if I see you with rug burns on your knees or elbows, you are not going to hear the end of it.