Edith’s Va Va Voom

A little romance was budding between Edith and Dick Forsythe at The Sun Coast Retirement Center.

All winter Edith had been flirting with Dick and managed to remove all her competition. No one can appreciate how many lonely women want to have the attention of an 85-year-old man who can still walk under his own power.  Dick was a catch!

It started with the usual compliments made in passing on the way to dinner.

“Dick, you really have such great posture. How do you do that all the time?”

“You’re looking so dapper today.  You have such a spring in your step. Any secrets?”

“I know you have such a skill with mechanical things. Do you think you could help me with setting the channels on my new TV?”

Although Edith didn’t do subtle too well, Dick didn’t seem to notice. He loved all the attention a single man gets from a lonely lady.

When Edith managed to be seated at Dick’s dinner table, the deal was sealed. She knew she was “closing in” on the prey.  All she needed was more time to be alone with him.

After dinner, Edith pretended to have difficulty getting up from her chair.

“My, I don’t know what is the matter with me tonight. I seem to have some trouble getting up.” Edith said coyly.

Dick, always the gentleman, scurried to her side and offered a strong arm. “Here you go Edith. Let me help you up.”

It just took one touch and a slow gaze into his eyes and Dick was a goner. While the rest of Edith showed her age, her eyes were ever youthful and – yes- sexy. Could it be?

Dick and Edith were the Sun Coast “item.” They were the subjects of every bit of gossip.

“Will you look at that hussy? Has she no shame?” from the women.

“Look at that Dick. He may get lucky” from the men.

Soon Dick was escorting Edith to the mall, then to a movie, then for a walk through the cemetery next door. They held hands; they gave each other a little peck each night.

Finally, Edith invited Dick to her apartment for a little wine.

“Do you prefer white or red, Dick?” Edith asked hopefully. She knew that the alcohol would smooth the way for a little romance.

Truthfully, Edith was apprehensive and not sure what she wanted. Companionship for sure. Attention most definitely. A little touching would be nice. But sex?

Yes, Edith was still randy and friends with her vibrator “Danny Boy.” But did she want a man to see, and TOUCH, her naked body? All those sags, wrinkles, liver spots, crevices? Really?

She decided to proceed. In reality, she wasn’t sure a “senior” man of Dick’s age would be interested in sex.

I might as well go for it and see what happens.

Dick and Edith sat on the couch and had a friendly talk about their pasts, their careers, and their children. All the while they both were wondering what was going on.

Am I ready for this? Dick thought.

Will something happen tonight? Edith’s heart palpitated.

It never crossed Edith’s mind what would happen after tonight.

But as it became closer to 11, Dick began to fidget and act nervous.  Edith knew the signals. This man was not ready yet. Go slow.

“Well, Dick, I would love to do this again real soon.” Edith was giving Dick a sign that it was ok to leave.

“Oh, yes.” Dick visibly was relieved. “Next time at my apartment with a nice Pinot Noir from California.”

At the door they kissed and Dick gave Edith a tight hug and a familiar stroke down the center of her back.

Edith was thinking, My that surely is a signal or I’m not my mother’s little girl.

She stood at the door, waved goodbye as Dick walked down the hall, and smiled to herself.  You’ve still got it gal.

She closed the door but left it unlocked. One never knew when the turn of events might happen. Maybe even tonight.

Edith took a shower, crawled into her peach peignoir, dimmed the lights to very low, and left the bedroom door open.

The peach peignoir

She was excited, stimulated and reliving the evening conversation. Yes, dare we say, she was hopeful. The die was cast. Edith was ready for love.

Finally, she slept. But somewhere around 3am, she heard a noise in the apartment. She was fully awake and her heart was pounding so hard she thought she’d have a stroke.

She pretended to sleep, but through the slits of her barely opened eyes, she saw a silhouette. Yes! She squeezed her eyes shut and pretended to sleep.  In the dark, she heard the rustling of someone crawling out of his clothes and dropping them to the floor.

Then the blanket lifted and… there he was, in bed with her!

An arm wrapped itself around her shoulder. He moved, spoon like, next to her back.

“Oh Phyllis, I’ve missed you” he said.

“What!” Edith sat up like a cannonball. She pulled the blanket up to her chin. “Who are you?”   She switched on the light.

Next to her was Frank Gallucci. How did he get out of the Alzheimer’s wing? What was he doing in her bed?

Poor Frank. In his memory impaired fog, he had somehow found his way into the one unlocked door in the whole place.

Edith called the desk, got Frank back into his pants, and put on her chenille bathrobe.

After Frank was gone, she poured herself an 8-ounce glass of wine, got out her bag of Oreos and passed the rest of the night comforting herself. At least I’m attractive to someone, if only in the dark.

Clearly this was a sign. She must target her pheromones to just Dick and not send out those alluring signs to the whole world.  Lucky Edith. She looked in the mirror and saw vibrant, provocative, and sexy women at 85.  Still her mother’s little gal.


One response to “Edith’s Va Va Voom”

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  1. Vicky says:

    Naughty girl! Who did you channel for this? Clearly not MY Crankee-Yankee mother, who would be 85, and never had any interest in remarrying after being widowed at 70. Another husband = yet someone else asking “what’s for lunch.” No thanks!